We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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