i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
