Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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