im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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