i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.