So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS