I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
