There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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