We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
