u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
