she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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