I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
