I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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