youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
