finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
