omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
