Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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