Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
