I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
