So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
