38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
