so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
