forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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