I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
