it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
