He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
