I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
