Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
