she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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