Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
