i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
