I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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