i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
