Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
