Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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