Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
