Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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