the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
