got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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