I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
