Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm at about main and main street
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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