he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
