I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
