The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
