you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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