Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
