...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
