clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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