if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
