I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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