I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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