HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
