Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
