Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
