Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
