You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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