you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
