What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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