What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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