Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
