There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
