he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
