last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
