Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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