Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
