If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
