i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
