I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
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Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old