my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.