He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?