Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's what I'm talking about
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just wanna be euthanized
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.